Fifty Shades of Smut+A Book Club Drinking Game

WARNING: Underage blog readers…adult content

Hellooooo ladies! Chances are, unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you have heard about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon that is sweeping the nation.  The BDSM infused Beauty and the Beast-like story of a billionare and a college co-ed has intrigued women from the barely 18’s (I am pretty sure some high school girls have already gotten their hands on it and are giggling profusely) to the soccer mom book clubs.  I personally heard about the best selling book series a few weeks ago on the radio, but I didn’t take interest until a Pure Romance meeting with my “sisters” and half of the group was reading the first book in the series.

I uploaded the book to my Kindle and early on there were things that just bothered me…in good and bad ways.  The obvious good I can’t really talk about on this blog, but for those of you that haven’t gotten your hands on it yet: 1. Make sure you have a fan 2. It is pretty darn graphic 3. It makes up for the crappy writing in between the erotic scenes. Yes, I am sorry, but I was brought up on JK Rowling, Jane Austin, and Nicholas Sparks who seem to actually own a thesaurus.  More on that later with the drinking game for those of you who are having to grin and bear it through the book club readings.  Take the hot sex scenes out and you have…Twilight. Gasp!  The obsession with one man, his overly protective/borderline psychotic “you’re mine” tendencies, and his sexy secret (in this case a Red Room of Pain versus the bedazzlement of skin when it comes in contact with the sunlight), yep, if I didn’t know any better I would have thought Stephanie Meyers had taken on a naughty persona and started an adult series.  But no, it’s so much worse.  It’s something that has spawned from Twilight fan fiction! (Eye roll…oops! Hope Mr. Grey didn’t catch that or else I’m getting the riding crop)  Like the Twilight series, I will finish it in hopes that the sniveling heroine, Ana, actually grows a spine and lays Christian Grey across her knee for a change…or at least stops crying so much, geez! The only redeeming qualities of this series as far as I can tell are the sexy times, the mainstreaming of something that was considered to be taboo(aren’t these books in Wal-Mart now?) , and the comeback of the Alpha Male through Christian Grey.  Finally a guy who doesn’t answer “I don’t know…what do you want to do?” when asked what’s up for date night.

They are talking about making a Fifty Shades movie…I have no idea how they are going to pull that off without being on HBO wayyyyyy after midnight or heralding in the comeback of the XXX movie theaters.  There are few great names flying around, but here are my cast picks.

Who better to play the godlike Grey than Alexander Skarsgard? He is already well versed in the BDSM from his experiences on True Blood. His character Eric, does have a dungeon…and he scares the mess out of me as well as makes me melt. (Credit to my baby sister for calling it first)

Analeigh Tipton made an impression on me in Crazy Stupid Love as the lovelorn babysitter who was so innocent but wanting so badly to be a woman for Steve Carrel’s character. I think the innocence and not to mention the fresh faced-ness of this actress would make her the top choice for Ana Steele.

Emma Stone is the lady I see playing Ana’s best friend Kate Kavanagh. A no BS attitude and the only person in the series as far as I know who is able to see Christian grey as a bit of a kook. The character has moxie and Emma Stone would shine!

Elliot Grey, the polar opposite of his brother Christian needs the warmth and charisma that is enough to sweep the cynical Kate off her feet. Army Hammer, who played Prince Charming in Mirror, Mirror this past year would be a sweet fix.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY DRINKING GAME

(For those of you who get bored stiff while reading this and need something to tide you over until the good parts arise)

  • Anytime Ana says “Holy $h*t” 1 DRINK (You will get drunk fast here)
  • Anytime Ana thinks Oh, my 1 DRINK (Also here)
  • The phrase “Laters, baby” comes up 3 DRINKS
  • Ana bites her lip 2 DRINKS
  • Ana cries over Christian Grey 1 DRINK, GIVE 1
  • Anytime Ana’s “Inner Goddess” does anything i.e. dances, does a yoga pose, taps her foot GIVE 2
  • Christian says “We aim to please, Miss Steel” 2 DRINKS
  • The phrase “phlegmatically” comes up (which by the way, means apathetically…pretty much the only time EL James seems to have a Thesaurus on hand) 3 DRINKS
  • Ana’s subconscious hides behind the couch or says something snarky GIVE 2
  • The “electric current” between Ana and Christian is referred to GIVE 1
  • Anytime Christian tells Ana to eat 1 DRINK, GIVE 1
  • Anytime Christian looks at Ana through “hooded eyes” or Ana looks at Christian through her eyelashes 1 DRINK

So, my questions for you guys: What do you think about the new book phenom? Love it or leave it?  Can you think of other actors better suited for the movie roles?  Going to try this drinking game?  I want to hear from you!  Let’s get a little down and dirty, here…but remember, folks, keep it clean.

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2 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Smut+A Book Club Drinking Game

  1. I love what you said about owning a thesaurus! This has been my complaint whenever I read literotica. I’ve read the Avon Red series by Cathy Yardley, and while I loved the stories (she took classic fairy tales and put them in a modern setting, which she was good at, then added lots of sex, which she wasn’t so good at), Yardley just kept using the same words over and over. And let me tell ya, the C-word once? Kind of exciting. Fifty times later, it’s annoying and crude. So, I’m with ya on that one. But I haven’t read this series. Hadn’t even heard of it til this post!

    • Seriously? It’s one of those things you should try at least once…like oysters for example. lol. There is a whole section in that thing about eating oysters. I am reading the series so that I can have an opinion on it, but you will get the drinking game joke once you read it.

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