I hate Valentine’s Day. And here’s the funny thing. For all of my teenage and adult life, I had a Valentine each and every year. So it’s not like I am a bitter single who hates Valentine’s Day because it is a jerk holiday that calls out my singleness (and it really is). No, I hate Valentine’s Day for many reasons. I will list them out just for kicks and giggles.
- We aren’t allowed to take Valentine’s Day off so it really does sneak up on people. It least it does for me. I had a girl say Happy Valentine’s Day to me while I was picking up my coffee at the corner gas station. I gasped, let my eyes get as big as possible, and replied “Oh, god! It’s Valentine’s Day? Oh no!” Of course, I was joking but it really does feel like it each year. Oh, hey there, Valentine’s Day. You’re back again? Crap, now I have to go do something nice for my partner because you told me to.
- Valentine’s Day typically makes me fat. Coworkers give candie and cakes and this is all well and good here at the office. Realtors live for free food, but man, throw a carrot stick in why don’t you? I am about to go into hyperglycemic shock.
- I don’t know what to do for Valentine’s Day. It’s easy for guys but girls it is really hard. Of course, I feel that VD (yeah, I want to dub it venereal disease, it makes me giggle) is designed by the card companies for women. So guys always get the short end of the stick. Especially every single guy I’ve dated. I can cook but dinner never turns out quite right. I don’t believe Tim actually wears cologne. Jewelry…he would look good in one of those Jersey Shore gold necklaces. Just kidding. Seriously, it’s a head ache.
4. VD sets up unrealistic expectations for even realists like me. Each year, I get my hopes up for something special, even though I know I shouldn’t. I get the let down. And the funniest thing is that it’s not the gift I look forward to. I come up with this magnificent, wonderful evening in my head and each year something freakish happens and I wind up spending the holiday alone, at home with my cat, and having to wait days before I can cook that awesome meal I was planning in my head or just let it go bad. Yes, it’s happened.
5. I will blame this on the diamond companies, but every Valentine’s Day that passes reminds me that I am still unmarried and don’t have children. I am going to just go on and admit that each year, I secretly hope that the question will be popped. That is, on the years that I am actually in a happy relationship. There were a couple there that just stunk and I was actually trying to figure a way out of said relationships during the Valentine’s Day celebrations.
It’s so very stupid but I hate this day so much, I just become the absolute worst person to be around. I think that next year I am just going to go totally off the grid so no one can find me.Poor mom is having to deal with me today in the office. I have already dissolved into tears twice today (over just being in a terrible mood, not my lack of love in my life) and I have broken down and devoured the Dove chocolates hanging out in her closet. It ain’t pretty, I tell ya. Well, here’s hoping your Valentine’s Day is way better than mine.
Why do you love Valentine’s Day? Why do you hate Valentine’s Day? I want to hear about it. Console this poor kid a little bit.