A Brief Banter On One of My Favorite Shows “Coupling” featuring the discussion of staying the night and moving in
Sally: where are you going?
Patrick: back to my flat?
Patrick: I live there. Look I’ll see you tomorrow
Sally: why don’t you stay?
Sally: you can stay here. You don’t have to go
Patrick: I’ve I need to change for the office for the morning
Sally goes to a wardrobe and opens it, she has a suit there
Long story short, he comes up with a ton of excuses and she heads him off at the pass so he has no other option than to stay.
It’s “Wedding Wednesday” here on the blog, and I have been batting around this question for some time. I have been living happily on my own for over a year now, and it has been the first time EVER that I have done the “alone” thing while being in a relationship. Tim and I have actually done the back and forth dance with staying over after date night: AKA why don’t you just stay here at my house? And usually it ends in me either folding and staying over or me passing out and going home at 4 AM. I don’t know what it is, but for the first time in my life, I am deeply in love and want to marry this man but I do not want to rush into moving in and making a life together just yet. What is that all about? I blame it on my new found love for my home. It’s where all my stuff is, I know exactly where to find said stuff, and I feel comfortable. When I am at Tim’s, not so much.
Furthermore, I am a living statistic for the “couples who move in together before marriage don’t stay together.” My fiance at the time and I purchased the house together and lived there happily for about 5 months. And then we broke up. I moved in my boyfriend of 7 months in with me later on, and we didn’t make it past the 2 year marker. Religious arguments aside, there is something to be said about living with someone you have no legal attachment to. You get into arguments and since you’re in close quarters, you have to deal with the simmering conflicts daily. And for a relationship that is still in the “Don’t like it here? Fine you can go whenever you want” phase, it’s easier to pack your things and go.
My mother brought me up on the belief that you never know someone until you live with them. And I totally agree with this. Moving in together is a huge test for a relationship. And maybe in the past I had entered into the test too lightly. Having a year of total independence under my belt and a new-found appreciation of having my separate space to run away to if things get nuts (not that they do), I am not ready to give that up just yet.
Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way? How are you and your partner discussing moving in together? Have you already moved in with your significant other and have tips for couples who really want to make the living together situation work?
Leave your comments in the box below.