31 Days: Q&A Moving InBefore “I Do”

A Brief Banter On One of My Favorite Shows “Coupling” featuring the discussion of staying the night and moving in

Sally: where are you going?

Patrick: back to my flat?

Sally: why?

Patrick: I live there. Look I’ll see you tomorrow

Sally: why don’t you stay?

Patrick: stay.

Sally: you can stay here. You don’t have to go

Patrick: I’ve I need to change for the office for the morning

Sally goes to a wardrobe and opens it, she has a suit there

Long story short, he comes up with a ton of excuses and she heads him off at the pass so he has no other option than to stay.

Image Courtesy of bbc.co.uk

Image Courtesy of bbc.co.uk

It’s “Wedding Wednesday” here on the blog, and I have been batting around this question for some time.  I have been living happily on my own for over a year now, and it has been the first time EVER that I have done the “alone” thing while being in a relationship.  Tim and I have actually done the back and forth dance with staying over after date night: AKA why don’t you just stay here at my house?  And usually it ends in me either folding and staying over or me passing out and going home at 4 AM.  I don’t know what it is, but for the first time in my life, I am deeply in love and want to marry this man but I do not want to rush into moving in and making a life together just yet.  What is that all about?  I blame it on my new found love for my home.  It’s where all my stuff is, I know exactly where to find said stuff, and I feel comfortable.  When I am at Tim’s, not so much.

Furthermore, I am a living statistic for the “couples who move in together before marriage don’t stay together.”  My fiance at the time and I purchased the house together and lived there happily for about 5 months. And then we broke up.  I moved in my boyfriend of 7 months in with me later on, and we didn’t make it past the 2 year marker.  Religious arguments aside, there is something to be said about living with someone you have no legal attachment to.  You get into arguments and since you’re in close quarters, you have to deal with the simmering conflicts daily.  And for a relationship that is still in the “Don’t like it here? Fine you can go whenever you want” phase, it’s easier to pack your things and go.

My mother brought me up on the belief that you never know someone until you live with them.  And I totally agree with this.  Moving in together is a huge test for a relationship.  And maybe in the past I had entered into the test too lightly.  Having a year of total independence under my belt and a new-found appreciation of having my separate space to run away to if things get nuts (not that they do), I am not ready to give that up just yet.

Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way?  How are you and your partner discussing moving in together?  Have you already moved in with your significant other and have tips for couples who really want to make the living together situation work?

Leave your comments in the box below.


2 thoughts on “31 Days: Q&A Moving InBefore “I Do”

  1. Justin and I lived together for almost a year before we got married. I moved in with him in January of 2010 and we married in November of that year. It taught me a LOT. And if you and Tim move in together, you will learn a lot too. During college, I would constantly spend the night in Justin’s dorm or we would share hotel rooms on roadtrips. And even when I would come up to his apartment – the one I later moved into – I figured, “Well, this must be what it’s like to live together.” Not even close. Nothing is “close” to moving in with someone, especially the person you’re in love with – no matter how much you love them.

    As far as advice goes, I would just say to be prepared: you will learn things about the other person that you never wanted to know, and you will get hurt/upset/slightly traumatized over it. There will be a lot more fighting, if only at first, because you are now forced to be together all the time. You can’t hang up the phone in an angry moment, you don’t get “real” me-time anymore. You are now constantly in the same space as the other person. And you know all those habits you have that you’re glad no one is around to see? Well now, not only is someone seeing them, the other person has them too.

    I mean, I was with Justin for six years before we moved in together, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through in my life. And I am just as much in love with him, I’m sure, as you are with Tim. Love has nothing to do with it, at least not a good 90% of the time. It’s just about sharing your personal space and dealing with issues as they happen instead of when you want to.

    None of this is to say that the two of you moving in together will be bad or scary or otherwise, but I think you’re very smart to wait until the time is right, and I also think you’ll be better off if you’re prepared.

    Now that I’ve written a small book, I guess I’ll just say if you have any questions, I’m here to answer them. 🙂

  2. Pingback: 31 Days of There’s No Place Like Home… | Living Young & Wild & Free

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